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Author Archive

5 Robots That Would Make Excellent Cleaners

terminator maid

I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to having the machines as our overlords. Robots are just awesome at everything they do, and while it's true they are a bit silly and clumsy at the moment, that's a shortcomming on our part not theirs. Once we figure it out they'll be better than us in every single way. Well, except maybe love making, but who needs tiny smelly diaper wearing semihumans, when you can 3D print entirely developed shiny new units from scratch. But while the robotocracy is still far in the future, machines are... Read more

5 Monstrous Ideas After-Party Cleaning Will Give You


The fireworks never stop. Okay. New Year high is over. Now comes the hard part. Hurtling back down to earth at breakneck speeds, riding a hangover heavier than a bag of wet cement, before ultimately crashing trough the shards of shattered new year resolutions. The best part is that in between bouts of depression and skull-splitting migraine you have to consider tidying. The best part about any party.  Trying to appease the two kaijus having a dance off inside your cranium. While wrestling with what looks likes to have been a drunken... Read more

7 Seasonal Beverages that Made Us Angry

drunk man

Humans are curious creatures with the singular propensity to consume stuff that shouldn’t exist in a perfect world. Especially around festivities. We clean houses, so gastronomy is not really inside our skill set. However you don’t need to be a food critic to figure out some things shouldn't go inside of you. This started out as an article about awesome beverages you can prepare yourself for the holidays, but after browsing cutesy mom sites for a few hours, we decided we are now angry at the world. We’ll take it all out on these... Read more

Black Friday Survival Guide

christmas market

It’s that scary time of the year again when you have to go buy Christmas presents for your friends and family. If only because they are dirt cheap on Black Friday. Good for us we don’t have any friends. Including among the clnrs. Dave and Mike are currently pelting each other with scorpions in the common room. So as unagreeable weirdos shunned by the flock we gain the unique opportunity to observe from the sidelines, hopefully gathering enough data to one day mimic authentic human interaction. But until then 1. Have a Plan Total... Read more

Preserve Your Sanity While Cleaning


Okay, we know cleaning is boring, tedious, and often nerve-wracking. It’s probably one of the main reasons we are in the cleaning business. But it’s essential unless you want a historically accurate representation of London circa the Bubonic Plague right there in your living room. So if basic survival instinct isn’t enough to get you behind the mop, here’s how to take your mind off of thoughts about putting a torch to your home and calling it a day. Threat it As Exercise Future badasses We’ve probably mentioned this before, but... Read more

6 Carpet Cleaning “Don’ts”

man cleaning carpet at river

Everyone's a pro nowadays. People want to feel important by telling you how to do stuff. We should know. We write articles telling you how to do your cleaning. However, that's not enough for us. So, let's make fun of some stupid advice we've heard from people on how to clean your carpets. Their anonymity will be kept intact for the sake of their self-esteem and the integrity of our office windows. 1. "Hang it from a tree branch and beat the dust out of it." We couldn't find an image for this method, so here's a cat. You can do that.... Read more

The Cringiest Halloween Costumes We Could Find (On Amazon)

cringing halloween pumpkin

Halloween is upon us, folks! Pumpkin spice is running rampant, the world is getting ready for winter, and Australia is pulling out the slightly shorter shorts. So it's time for the clnrs to get a costume for the festivities. Amazon has a mind-boggling variety, so why not start there? То be honest we managed to rake trough a hundred from the four hundred pages of results for this list, before we needed facial reconstructive surgery. The results (besides my new exorbitantly priced zygomaticus major) are... See for yourself: 1. Worst Cleaner... Read more

5 Tips To Survive Spring Cleaning

a cleaner with an army helmet on

While the crazy part of the world is pulling out the eskimo suits from the back of the wardrobe, us Aussies are a few steps away from the surfing season. But before you go hunt that big kahuna, you might want to make sure everything around the house is shipshape. Spring cleaning is a lot of work, but instead of shoving it under the carpet (or deciding to hire professional cleaners to do it for you) out of fear from the workload, just follow our tips and you’ll be right as rain. 1. Eat Fruit & Vegetables During the colder season, our... Read more